LIMITED SERIES: Brother to Brother Part III

Brother to Brother Part III

  • 22:41 minutes

In this episode, I keep it unapologetically authentic about one of my major traumas.

LIMITED SERIES: Brother to Brother

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

abandonment, therapy, understand, murdered, validated, therapist, trauma, fight, realize, brothers, anybody else's, life

SPEAKERS

Jermal Watson & Harry Turner

Harry Turner  00:09

I wish it was as easy as me saying "F* U". I wish it was that simple. But I know that we all connected and so my destiny is also tied to yours. So I need you to get your [bleep] together. That's all I'm saying.

Jermal Watson  00:58

We're all connected, no matter how we look at it as a people, if we keep attempting to cut the cord that connect connects us we're going to fall. And you can kind of see it now with all the violence that's happening,

Jermal Watson 01:20

. . . . not giving a damn about themselves. But just why is it selfish? All that falls into selfishness. . . . and everybody wants to be damn Instagram famous. You watching all these cats on Instagram, not realizing that a lot of it's planned out. . . . 

 Harry Turner  03:41

. . . . my bank account has not yet reflected the choice I made. Some years ago, I decided to get my bank account. The company that my bank account has, you know, it hasn't arrived yet. The balance does not reflect the choice that I've made a long time ago.

But . . . I'm gonna push it to the limit because I've made a choice. So either I will have the choice what I will experience what I desire, or I'm gonna die trying. . . . Understand that you're not in this world to live up to anybody else's expectations. anybody else's expectations. And I would even ask You have to cease from having expectations upon yourself. Because you don't know how great you are. Your fears have no idea how great you are. . . . 

Jermal Watson 07:01

I don't even remember how old I was. As a young child I was in the house by myself a lot. I go into my yard  . . . and had a neighbor who decided that he was gonna stand on his fence and provoke my dog. And actually, it was my brother's dog.. . . And I'm like, "Man, it's a dog, it's gonna bark, especially if you over the fence." They decided to pull a gun out. That was that was the first time I was shot at. . . 

Jermal Watson 08:21

So shock and silence. And then realize that I was hit. It wasn't deadly, or anything, but it was enough to know, hey, one inch, any direction could have been something different. But even with that, you know, once again, living the wyld life wasn't it . . . . getting put in a real uncomfortable situation. That was, I felt avoidable. . . .I get nervous driving every now and then, like certain little things trigger. Like the smell that happens after a flood. That brings me back to Katrina, there's a smell in somebody's house that reminds me of, you know, being in the house, down the road, that like makes me clench up because it brings on anger. . . . 

Harry Turner  12:34

Somebody's got to be the burden bearer . . .somebody's got to do the work to break that cycle. . . Straight up, you know, but understand this who I am now is who I choose to be now you have no idea who I was then. And if you saw who I was, then you would realize that when you look at me and family, that we are no more than mere reflections of you. Just at some point we got tired of suffering and we chose differently. . . You know, that financial poverty is a disease that we must eradicate. Poverty is injustice. That's what that is what equality looks like. It looks like justice. . .

There's a 37 year old African American male, who has, who has his own therapy practice and became a trauma specialist, who has spent 1000s of dollars in his own therapy, not realizing the traumatic impact the murder of my first cousin had on me.

That was my original trauma. And because I had two great parents, I didn't realize I have this sense of abandonment as well, this fear of abandonment. But I have two great parents and I didn't understand but through therapy and exploring a lot of the traumas that I experienced, what I realized is that I felt abandoned by my cousin because he was my hero. He protected me and when he was murdered. . . . It changed everything for me. And from that day on, I believe everybody would abandon me. . .

Jermal Watson 19:14

Wow . . . Yeah, it can come in different forms than the actual person leaving you to go back to things, you know, not having a certain thing or not being able to get it or you lose it, that can be abandonment. . . .When you care about people, and they vanish, it hurts, especially when you don't understand why. . . .I won't really see friends. You know, they were a friend at some point. But you've got to learn that . . . you outgrow people. And with outgrowing people, it's acknowledging that you're in a different place. . . . I can't reach backwards.

Jermal Watson 20:55

. . . you had to leave them behind? So are you abandoning that person now? Because you had to take a right step. Now mind you, your cousin died. That was out of your control. You can do nothing about it. And you probably at time didn't know about it until after the fact. You know, but that void. . . and I know I'm kind of jumping on to two things at one time. But even to go back to the friend who didn't want to take the next step to make moves. You know, there's a void that you still feel because you genuinely care about that person. You know, so I think like, when you care so much . . .that abandonment can still come because you still care for them.

Harry Turner  22:02

I can only love the other to the extent that I love myself. And if I don't love myself, if I wish to die if I don't care about my life, then quite naturally, I don't care about yours. . . .

 Resources:

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Gratitude, and until next time!

Agape,

Harry “The Nocturnal Therapist” Turner