Harry Turner 0:03
Welcome to Is that so during offseason you're about to listen to a three part series with Nicole Sublette how to attract your soulmate and the love you deserve, and joy everyone that comes in on the nocturnal therapist, and of course, I'll allow you to introduce yourself, Miss Sublette. But my background is in psychotherapy, hypnotherapy. I'm also a certified integrative and a health professional, but I'm not providing any therapy advice yet neither one of us saw, but it just I think it's important that we discuss on this day of all days, the topic of love and understanding that perspective from a hypnotherapist perspective, or well with our experiences in hypnotherapy, please, Ms. Nicole, I know you got it.
Nicole Sublette 0:50
Thank you, Harry. My name is Nicole Sublette. And I am also a hypnotherapist, a Reiki Master. And I also do holistic health and wellness as an integrative medicine provider as well and a doctoral candidate in bio energetic medicine. And I really like to support women with being their best versions of themselves, specifically, healing from toxic relationships. So I think this is a really apt conversation to have for those looking for love.
Harry Turner 1:26
Mm hmm. Apt apt for for everyone. Right? Of course, I know. You're implying everyone. But yes, most certainly an app conversation and media conversation. So where would you like to begin, Ms Nicole?
Nicole Sublette 1:38
Yes. So today, we're here to talk about how to attract your soulmate. And find the love that you deserve. And I think there's so many elements and aspects of this conversation. And I think part of the things we have to do is just talk about the ideas of what a soulmate is. And so in my conceptualization a soulmate is someone that we have a connection with a soulmate could be a parent, it could be a child, it could be a close friend, it could be a co worker, and I know today that we're specifically talking about romantic love. However, I think it's important to distinguish what a soulmate is, and I know Harry, you and I've had some conversations about what a soulmate is, if you wanted to also share your thoughts about what a soulmate is.
Harry Turner 2:33
Oh, yeah, tag me in, tag me in. I agree. I believe that a soulmate is someone that energetic being or human, that you come in contact or energetic being manifested as a human being, that you've come in contact with in a collision, you could we make a lot of collisions in our lives. We collide with people at the grocery store, we collide with people when we walk outside the house, you know, we could live without postal person, person that delivers mail. But there are some collisions that are meant to transform you, you know, be it painful or pleasurable it doesn't. And we always judge the mind always judges these collisions as good or bad because it's black or white. And it's always in a space of trying to protect us and keep us safe. That's the minds agenda to keep us safe. But we're not in this world to merely be safe, but to live safety as the very foundation of existing but existing is not the same as living and so a soulmate is one of those collisions that then serve as a catalyst ultimately for you to transform maybe physically mentally as well as spiritually but definitely on a mental and spiritual level you transform that's me, that's me what you got?
Nicole Sublette 3:44
Yes, I completely agree with you and so soulmate, you know, having a soulmate is a is a sacred connection. And I know today that we're going to really talk about and hone in on romantic soulmates and how to attract a romantic partner. And I think part of diving into attracting a romantic partner is first one formulating what is one desiring in a relationship? What are qualities and attributes that one desires to have? And I think first is actually pinpointing what you want. So you know what exactly to attract him. Because if we just go blindly, and we don't really know what we want, then we're going to attract anything in because the thing is, we're, we're people, and we're magnetic in we're attractor, so we're constantly attracting things we're attracting in the good. We're attracting the bad, the positive in the negative. So we have to be super conscious about our intentions as to what we really want to attract in so we can focus on manifesting what we want and then drawing that into us in near to us and so we need to it's like creating a map To get something we want. And so if we have a destination in mind, we need to create a map to get there.
Harry Turner 5:08
Mm hmm. I agree. I agree. And, and the map, ultimately will lead back to one oneself, we always all of us, whether we realize it or not, we're on a path to knowing oneself, we are on the path to returning to love. And so the longest distance that that any of us will ever take is the distance that we take when we journey from our heads, when we're consumed with our worries and anxieties and the addiction to keep ourselves safe, and therefore we are constantly in this anxious position of either on the run on the attack, but we move from our heads down to our hearts. That's the journey and that's the longest journey of us that any of us will ever take. And it's filled with a lot of perceived mental failures as well as successes. But you got to understand that there is no success without failure, you have to fail in and see, you have to understand what failure is because the sweet aint sweet without the bitter. You know, and I don't want to go too deep into that. But understand that in this world, nothing exists without its opposite. And so we understand success because we experienced failure. Now the reason we can even feel and experience the fullness of what it is to succeed is because we know what it is the lows of our perceived so called failures, but also Nicole, what what you're saying as far as jumping into, like how to choose that person, how to choose your, your mate or that right person, you know how to attract the soulmate? It always begins with us. And that's why I say we travel from our head to our heart. And so what is our aura attracting? You know, many of us have to begin, not many of us, all of us have to begin with a in an aura alignment, energetic alignment. What we understand who we are as energetic beings, and then understand what it is that we are attracting based off of who we are, whatever you fill yourself up with. That's what you spill out. Whatever you fill yourself with, I can't give you something I don't have. That's why when I call a neighbor and I asked her, you know them, him or her them, you know, can I borrow a cup of sugar? First, I'm in need of a cup of sugar, but I got to make sure that they have that sugar. If I'm going to you know if I'm going to borrow some and then they have an excess but if they don't have a sugar of course they can't give it to me. Same thing go searching for love and trying to attract love. But if we don't have love for ourselves, then we don't have the the we're not in a position to receive that love that we truly desire that soulmate or soulmates those collisions, we're not even in a position even perceive the collisions that we do have. Some of us have ran into soulmates and don't even realize, what do you think about it?
Nicole Sublette 7:36
Yes, I absolutely agree. And I was just wondering, Harry, if you could speak more about the addiction to safety to just offer more clarity like, what does that mean?
Harry Turner 7:48
Hmm? Well, the mind the basic needs, if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the mind is consumed with subsistence needs, food, water, safety, shelter. And so the not to get too technical. But the amygdala, the fear center of our brain is always active, it's even active as we speak right now, it's processing whether this cell phone I'm speaking to is a threat to me or not. And so it's doing that mental activity. Now, if we get stuck in the mental activity of the mind, then we proceed even our relationships in the form of black or white, whether they make us feel safe or not safe. But if we don't feel safe in a connection, that may not be because of that connection. And maybe because that feeling is there to that pain, that discomfort is there to make us aware of something that is unresolved within us because we could be living in the present but still existing in the past. That's what I mean by safety. Does that provide some clarity?
Nicole Sublette 8:52
Yes, it certainly does to me and as someone who has specializes in trauma, and I specialize in helping women heal from toxic relationships, safety is a big thing. And especially if we're traumatized or unhealed people, our minds are often going off like these alert bells are going off. And sometimes we're in situations where we're perceiving that we are unsafe, when in actuality, we are safe. And I really want to segue that into so when we're talking about attracting our soulmate and having soul connections, we want to talk about having an aspect of vulnerability which requires a level of courage and also requires a setting of safety. And so step one for us to really attract. What we desire is that we need to match the frequency of what we desire. So we need to match the frequency of love. So to match the frequency of love and as you were saying Harry is that we need to go inside and we really needs to take a look at ourselves with compassion, and to start healing those places that feel unsafe. And when we start to what I call unfreeze ourselves, because when we're traumatized or scared, we're kind of in this like frozen state, when we start to soften, and we start to unthaw we can open ourselves up to the rivers of love. And so we need to send those rivers of love internal into ourselves, and to heal those aspects. So we can really attract the love that we desire.
Harry Turner 10:34
Yes, yes, and in understanding this, you know, that we could be reading, we could be saying the same words, but we read from different dictionaries. So I do believe and expounding on 10 conceptualizations, making sure that we all on the same page here and so when, when when you said the word compassion and again, I know we are on the same page, Nicole, but just for the people when we when I say when I hear the word compassion, this is the conceptualization is my definition of compassion, it is to honor and respect the others journey, without giving in or surrendering to the addiction, to change, fix, or distance yourself from them. That is to honor and respect the other journey, by not giving in to the addiction or the urge to change, fix or distance yourself from them. We are in a epidemic but now pandemic of loneliness, many of us are experiencing excruciating loneliness and understand that there's a difference between the physical state of being alone and loneliness. Loneliness is an experience and emotional experience, typically, but the alone is a physical state of being and so many of us are experiencing loneliness in spite of be even being in crowds. Now, how is that you know that loneliness represents a disconnect, a disconnect with others from others. But oftentimes, and when we dig a little bit deeper, and really do that shadow work, we understand that really represents a disconnect with oneself as well. And so in order to attract your soulmate, or attract the love that you deserve, oftentimes, we don't realize that we are attracting exactly what it is that we call the beat, we do attract that constantly. But do we actually believe that we are deserving of that type of love as well, again, going back to that energetic alignment, going back to moving from your head to your heart, or you actually believe in the words that you speak because it's only when you align thought word indeed, that you actually become this manifesting generator. If you've not aligning that, then you think you're straddling the fence. If you don't have your thoughts aligned with your words, you say as many affirmations as you want, but if you thinking something different, and if you move in differently than the way that you talk in think, then nothing is gonna happen. Because a double minded a double mind can't go anywhere stagnation, mixed beliefs create confusion, confusion, creates stagnation, and stagnation leads to emotional purgatory. And so about attracting your soulmate, if you want to attract your soulmate, and you want to get that love you deserve, you got to move into not merely just existing but actually choosing to live. And when you mentioned vulnerability, this last point, I'll make a vulnerability. Again, reading, we can say the same words, make sure that we understand these concepts that we're talking about. So step one is understanding where you are, as far as vulnerability, some of the things that you can ask yourself is, are you bothered by criticism, real or imagined? You know, regarding your performance? Are you bothered by perceived rejection? Real, real or imagined? Are you bothered by disagreements with other people? Are you bothered by failing? Or being left out or excluded from events? Are you bothered by having your goals thwarted? Do you feel awkward in social situations? You know, do you feel bothered when people don't answer your phone call or no texts or Return? Do you feel bothered when people say no to you? Do you feel bothered when you feel that someone is distancing themselves from you? These types of things represent pressure points, vulnerability pressure points, and many of us have experienced previous harm. But again, the past is for reference, not residence. Well, we still got to dig into that past. We got to study that past and understand that some of these past experiences we are reliving again and again and again. So even though we're responding to someone in the present, we may be actually addressing something that we have not resolved from the past. And I know Nicole can talk on that.
Nicole Sublette 14:20
Yes, beautifully. Put Harry. And so I just want to say a few things as oftentimes when we are looking for love, we're actually not operating in present moment awareness. We're operating in what we call past awareness. And so oftentimes, when we attract partners to us, they tend to reflect some of our unhealed parts of ourselves that we've initially had with our first caregivers, the people who first take care of us, whether it was grandparents, parents, you know, foster parents, and that's when we're actually informed about ourselves, ages zero through seven, we're in what is called theta waves theta wave is a hypnotic wavelength is when we're being the most conditioned about who we are, and about how we interact with the world. And we're informed about what are place is in the world at a very young age. And when we have what is called adverse childhood experiences, we can have disrupted attachment. And we can learn false views about ourselves at a very young age. And so what happens is when we enter adolescence and into adulthood, we find that we are replicating patterns and seeking out potential loves inmates that are like our caregivers. You know, oftentimes, when I work with women, and we talk about their family systems, they recognize how often their boyfriend or their husband is very much like their narcissistic father, because what they're trying to do is they're trying to heal a pattern that was never healed in childhood. And so oftentimes, we choose partners that represent caregivers, and also is because we identify with these people, because they on some levels are comfortable to us. On some, on some levels, they're normalized to us, because that is what we had growing up. So I just wanted to talk about that. And also just kind of say hi to everyone today and welcoming them into the room. And we do have a free gift of affirmations that actually if affirmations are used correctly, and a theta wavelength, which means in a very relaxed state, they're very, very, very profoundly effective because we're actually working on subconscious levels where we do most of our actions and working through the subconscious mind. And so if anyone's interested today and getting three affirmations to attract your soulmate, just DM me the word love l o. V, once again, that's love. And I can send you affirmations to magnetically attract your soulmate. Take it away, Harry, take it away.
Harry Turner 17:18
I appreciate that. Nicole, all right. But yes, speaking about those adverse childhood experiences, this is why I love you know, I created a little mini course to introduce people into shadow work and what my coaching is designed to address which is a Carl Jung operate from that space of psychotherapy of Carl Jung, he said until the unconscious becomes conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. You see, 90 to 95% of what we see in reality is already defined based off of our past experiences. And so if you are constantly living in that what Freud called a projected hypothesis, then when you meet when you have these collisions with potential mates, you know, potential people that could really add value to your life, you don't even know how to receive that, because posted on top of their face, is some image of someone who was a participant and a dramatic experience from from for you from the past. And so understanding that in childhood, no child leaves, no child leaves childhood unscathed. Period, you can have the best parents on the planet, no childhood leaves, no child leaves childhood unscathed. And that's because many of us are just now mental health is at the Infancy really well, not even, I say beyond infancy, we had the adolescent phase, we still haven't gotten to the adult phase, especially as a culture. And so many of us don't even understand how the mind operates. And that oftentimes we're making a projected hypothesis that the reason why we don't take the risks that we know that we truly desire to take this because we already made up my mind that we want to fail, not based off of some real evidence, but false evidence appearing real, which is these ghosts from the past. So if you grew up in a household where you heard "not enough" messages, like you'll never amount to anything, you should be ashamed of yourself, you know, stop crying before I give you something to cry about, again, encouraging you to repress your emotions, instead of allowing those emotions to flow because emotions and emotion is energy in motion, and that energy must continue in motion. And so we when we repress it, that energy still continues in motion, but in ways that are unconscious and unseen to us. And this is why many of us or some of us may struggle with with having connections or maintaining connections, maintaining our our, an amicable environment at the place of employment. You know, while we have so many interpersonal relationship issues, is oftentimes this stuff that is unresolved because people don't understand that. We don't understand the society that either we deal with our trauma or trauma deals with us. So again, some of these other not enough messages is, you know, you need to respect me, but what about the child? Your children don't deserve respect, you know, what does that say to the child, you're getting too big for your britches,
Harry Turner 20:11
you look ugly, you're fat, you're selfish, you know, don't be such a crybaby, even as silly, silly superstitious things such as like a, you know, you'll go blind if you're masturbate, not teaching the child, you know, healthy sexual attitudes, you know, creating that environment of shame. And I won't say too many more of those not enough messages. But a lot of these things understand we have to forgive and not have to, and only thing I have to do is stay black and die as a black man. But it is healthy to forgive, which is to relinquish your desire to see the person that has caused you harm, punish, and it's hard for us to understand that, oftentimes is the people that actually truly believe and do love us the most, that causes us the greatest harm, many of us are looking for the big T's from our childhood sexual assaults, physical assaults, things of that nature, abusive relationships, but oftentimes the predisposition to even that was 1000 cuts, the little tease that we experienced the 1000 cuts that we felt, you know, from our parents giving us these not enough messages, you know, saying that, Oh, you're crazy. Oh, suck it up, you know, or it'll tell you criticize and even sisters about their hairstyle, there's so many not enough messages that we receive, unbeknown to those that love us, because they did not know. And so we have to forgive that. Or at least I say, I choose to forgive because I know that we do better when we know better. You know, it's forgive them for they know not what they do ignorance, freedom can coexist. And so I forgive anybody who has caused me harm, not only those that are close to me, but also those in the streets that have caused me harm. Because again, I know that holding on Buddha said this, and I'll pause after this one. But Buddha, and I'll never forget it because it resonated with me. So when y'all hear me say, quote, it's because these things resonate with me. But Buddha said, being bitter, it's like, it's like holding a hot piece of coal with the intent of throwing it at somebody else. The only person that gets burned is you. And we don't see it. But we burn bridges. Based off of this bitterness that we hold within us, we burn bridges, we, we burn relationships, we limit our options based off of this bitterness and resentment that we hold within. And if we're not careful, that understand that the Body Keeps the Score, and every thought has a corresponding impact on the body. And if we're not careful before you know it, that bitterness and resentment then turns into cancer, it becomes cancerous. That's the physical manifestation. So the energy of resentment and bitterness. But Nicole, I know you've got more on that, please, I know you want the parent wound, I know you have so much so much knowledge and juice to drop on here. So I'm gonna invite someone that has to come up on the stage on stage.
Nicole Sublette 22:47
Yeah, absolutely. And I just want to echo that too. In my studies in my doctorate program on bio energetic medicine, there's such a huge correlation between physical disease and unhealed traumas, unhealed emotions, and it is hypothesized that actually a lot of our disease actually starts in our energetic field, and it starts in our emotional body, and then manifests itself as something physical, and without going far, far down that road, because I could go down that road forever, I think, bring it back to the core essence of this is that when we actually can recognize our unhealed parts and our wounding, then it's really important to actually work on those aspects of self. And, you know, it's actually really good to work with people to do that, because what can happen is that we actually need to co regulate with others, meaning to attune and align our energy with others. And so other people like getting professional help, can be, whether that's a therapist, that's a life coach, if whether that's a spiritual leader, that can be very important to help one heal, so they can attract in love and draw to them, their soulmate. And also when we're working with someone on this level, they can serve as mirrors, and they can help us even identify the blind spots we have, they can help us identify if we're moving into the repeating the same cycles, unknowingly. So I think that's really important is to actually seek help with someone that you can co regulate with. So you can move out of these patterns to start clearing yourself to really attract it in the kind of relationship that you want. And so you can sustain and be in that relationship, decreasing the likelihood of being in a toxic or codependent relationship.
Harry Turner 24:55
Yeah, yeah. And they just real brief. I want to say that It's important, you know what, when the call emphasize, it's important to have somebody to be there to help coach you through these things. That's why I love you know, I believe that life coaches are necessary. I believe that mental health therapists are necessary. And I believe that doctors are necessary. And I believe that that damn near, all of us should have all three of them, like people who are passionate, who really, really are passionate about what they do, because there are a lot of fraudsters out there. But to that I say, you know, if you want your teeth worked on, you're not, you're gonna go to the dentist, you're not gonna do that yourself. If you want your car worked on unless you're a mechanic, you'll go to a mechanic shop, you know, you're not gonna pull up to Waffle House. Understand that when you talk about dealing with childhood wounds and childhood trauma, it is the scariest shit you will ever deal with. It's the scariest for all of us, because many of us are still reliving that that feedback loop of past traumas still trying to run from it, not realizing that wherever you go, there you are, and a person can spend their entire lives on the run. I've experienced it myself, when I went out in the in my experiences as a Hypnotherapist. I've taken people back in the process to memories I'm talking about in their 60s, to memories of trauma that they experienced when they're two or three years old. I've even taken one person back and they they didn't know that they could experience this, but they recall it for the first time in detail an argument that their parents were having while she was still in the womb, about not wanting a child and then this image this pattern, this, this belief of not being wanted A, it correlated with the person being born much later than expected, but also a lifetime pattern of feeling unwanted in relationships unwanted as an employee, unwanted and so the person begin to develop this personality that suited or they could function in based off of this limited belief that they are unwanted. Again, we'd be looking for the big T's, what happened? What happened? Who was I with? No, what did this person do to me? First, we gotta ask ourselves, what have we been doing to ourselves? What have we been allowing to ourselves because it's easy to project blame onto the other, but understand that these experiences and what happens in life, there are millions upon millions of happenings in life, it's our interpretation that we placed on the happening, and then that then produces the emotional experience. So where's your interpretation? Is that interpretation, based off of a resolved a truth, a truth that you have your wisdom? Or is it based off of some unresolved trauma, I'll say this, and then I'll, I'll stop, there's a process that I created. And I wanted people to remember it because they couldn't remember the more technical acronym for it. So I created a new acronym, I call this shit. And it's S H I I T situations, it's my way of helping people to process and understand whether they pull in from the familiar past that they have none unresolved, or from a place of wisdom where they resolve this issue, and they are pulling from their the truth from the past. And so they use the past for reference instead of residence. So S stands for situations whatever happens again, there's no emotion attached to situations happenings, are merely what's happening. You know, H is how we perceive it. I, the first eye is I present, what information do we have about the situation. The second eye is I from the past, and I past is split off either when choosing from insights, or insecurities. That's what the second eye represents, it represents. Either we have resolved some truth, and we're pulling from our wisdom, and therefore we're pulling from insight, or we're pulling from our insecurities because we're still running from these fears and unresolved traumas from our past, which then leads to T the emotional experience. And so that's just one of the mechanisms that that I put together to help people understand that, really, we do have to analyze our thoughts, we have to think about our thoughts. Awareness is key ignorance and freedom cant coexist. Nicole, I'm gonna pause and let you take over for a moment.
Nicole Sublette 29:02
Yes, absolutely. And so thank you, Harry. Again, what you're talking about, really attracting in love, we have to think about also so one working with people is really important to help us heal. And then also how are we really taking care of ourselves? And are we really investing in ourselves? are we engaging in activities of self care and taking that time to ourselves and really putting our needs first, a lot of times and a lot people say that's really selfish. But as a matter of fact, putting ourselves first is actually selfless. Because when we are like a fire, like a bonfire and we're illuminated, we can actually spread our light to the world when we're feeling diminished and depleted, then we're only offering sparks. And so if we are really fueling ourselves, and we're illuminated, then we're going Reading that bonfire. And we're really lating ourselves up. So we can actually like a beacon call to our true love. Because we're really taking care of ourselves. And we're also because like attracts like, we're also drawing in someone who is willing to also take care of themselves. And when you have two people together, who are taking care of themselves, the relationship is not formed on a place of need, it's not formed in a place of deficit, you know, you're not needing that person to show up to fulfill your expectations. Because when we have someone showing up to fulfill our expectations, it's just going to lead us to disappointment. And we're more coming as more whole and more complete, than is a relationship of desire in a relationship of more kinetic arrows. And together, you can create a beautiful, loving and amazing relationship, because it's two whole people coming together, not two broken people coming together trying to get their needs met through another's wounding.
Harry Turner 31:05
Mm hmm. I'll say this. We're all, and I agree, this is this is the backup, which is saying, Go more, we're all on this journey. And we're all growing. Understand that, that we'll be doing that until the day we die, because anything not growing is dead. And so in this growth process, understand, don't look for perfection, perfection is an illusion, you know, and many of us get caught in that illusion. And so that's we use that as, as almost against ourselves to not do things for ourselves to not practice self care to not do that new business adventure to not take the risks that we want to take. But understand that when you are looking at a connection, and you're trying to assess, you know where you are in, understand that other individual, that compassion and curiosity must be there. Again, curiosity, to be truly sincerely curious about learning and understanding the other and understanding why this collision happened. Because even if it's temporary, there's still a truth for you there, there's still something there for you in that condition. Many of us don't understand that when we don't lean into that truth and understand that truth, we end up going through that same cycle again, and again. And again, because we choose to run away and choose fear when we even the topic of self love. This is how you determine whether it's self love or selfishness. are you responding from a place of love? Are you responding from a place of fear? Period? are you responding from love? Or are you responding from fear, if it's fear, then it's going to be selfish, because that other person is more transactional, the only thing you're looking at is a come up or what you can get out of that interaction. But instead, whenever you move from a place of self love, you honor and respect the other person as well. And so in that space, the two are on even playing field, they're evenly yoked energetically. And so in that space, even when you give, you don't lose, because there's only an application and the sharing with the other. That's the difference. Many of us are not in energetically aligned connections, because upset because of limiting beliefs. And then based off of that, if you are given that transaction, you better keep on giving, because that's what the relationship is based off of. And so givers attract takers just like mechanics and mechanic shops attract broken cars. So if you are a giver, then you won't attract takers. And the moment that you realize that you're attracting takers, know that when you change that behavior I've given them take is gonna leave where they need to leave, they need to leave because they're not aligned with you, you've been maintaining that you've been pouring yourself, that's why you're so exhausted, you know. And so, I encourage you to Yes, make sure that you align yourself and disconnect. And those those those energies, those individuals, those energetic beings, who are on a different journey, who don't mesh with yours, your frequency, but also embrace compassion, which is again, to honor and respect the others journey, without giving into the addiction, to change, fix, or distance yourself from them. You see that last part? I want to I want to highlight that because they we live in a scary ass age, Courage is not really something that's really promoted these days. And so we live in a ghost town we live in a ghost culture these days. And because we don't show up for life because we decided to ghost life, believing truly believing that we can hide from these experiences, we end up manifesting the same thing again, just rinse and repeat different players. No, no, no, lean into that and understand why this collision is happening and what truth is there for you. Because while it's happening to you, there's also something happening for you. And I know it takes it's a challenge whenever you are suffering or been through a challenging time to try to understand or look for what's also happening for you. But understand if you lean into that discomfort and you grab hold of that truth. that truth will set you free from that pattern. We're all going through life patterns, when you realize it, every last one of us are going through these life patterns until we resolve what's going on and get that deeper truth.
Harry Turner 35:12
It's just like a damn video game. If you don't pass that level, you stay on that level. Yeah, you could walk away from the game and get frustrated. But when you come back, you still got to deal with that level. So I say A. dig in, you know, grab, you grab your shovel and dig in and get ready to get your hands dirty. Because once you resolve that, that truth sends you to another level. It's in these moments of liminal space where we must let go of who we are, in order to become who we might be. Liminal space is that tension that exists between that place where we must let go of that familiar past to embrace a desired future present. And in that tension, you'll notice that if somebody is on a on the bungee cord, or whatever they're going on this, this course, at some of these, these theme parks, and now in this bungee cord, and they're going down to tight rope, When those, and they grabbing on the hoops, when the hoop spread out far enough, that's when the line starts to slow down, because people begin to realize that they got to let go of the last hoop, they're holding on to this hoop behind them in order to move forward. And that's what people get stuck at. And some people never leave that place. And so in that place, you get connections that are based off of people who made that exact same decision. That's what's occurring. And so you can't seek in the other what it is that you desire within yourself one of my most depressive experiences or episodes I've had, because I've had depressive episodes in the past around this time this year, as a matter of fact, usually when it happens, but the insight came to me that part of my issue was that even at the level, because there's levels to this, now, you don't just resolve Oh, I know how to self love today. No, you better make sure your ass know how to self love tomorrow, too. But there are levels to this. And so it was last year, this time where the Insight hit me that to seek approval from without, is already to experience, disapproval, from within. And so we seek based off of this illusion of lack. And so since we don't approve of ourselves, we seek all those of us who don't approve of ourselves, we seek that approval from other people, and then we end up getting our feelings hurt. Why? Because they can't give us that. The only people that can give us that is us, but we don't even understand how to have our own needs met because all we've been taught is how to exist, how to go to work, get paid and earn a living. But that's not living that's a dying,
Nicole Sublette 37:28
I think Harry, you're mentioning some really fundamental points is that we, we live in an illusion of incompleteness. And so we often seek relationships outside of us to validate ourselves. And also relationships do serve as that mirror for us as well. So they are important, we don't you know, we don't live and operate in a vacuum. But this is why it is so critical to take care of ourselves it is so critical to be able to sustain and to fulfill our own needs and that way we're not rely on others to do that work for us and if you're looking to become more balanced, healthy and whole. As I stated before, we can create a more balanced healthy and whole relationship knowing that yes, self care, self love, self worth, the journey, the Shadow Work is on a continuum, it's on an internal process. But as long as we are doing the work and even attracting in someone who's willing to do the work, we can really co create these beautiful high level, high value super amazing relationships in when we as I said, when we're illuminated and and we're shining and bright, we can really attract in those high value illuminated shining bright partner for ourselves and, and for ourselves, for our souls and being something that feels really good and connected and feels amazing, even in the hard times because no relationship is perfect, that you can use any rupture in the relationship as a form of intimacy because all relationships are about rupture. And then how do we repair and if we have a good partner, we can actually work on that repair part as well in use any rupture instead of creating a gap in the relationship creating resentment. We can use that rupture to create intimacy.
Harry Turner 39:24
Agreed, agreed agree. And and so I want to just not digress for a second, but let's break it down again. Understand that self love Begins With Self and that if you want to attract your soulmate, first understand what it is your attention behind it, like Nicole emphasize, but also understand what a soulmate is, like really define these words. One of the things I encourage all of my clients to do in my practice, even though I'm not giving therapeutic advice here is to have beginner's mind. When a client asked me the reason why I can state a definition to conceptualization. So well it's not only do I intentionally choose to research when I'm just reading different books or whatnot. But if a client asked me something, I assume I begin with already assuming that I do not know. So even though I've looked up the definition of forgiveness 1000 times over, if someone if a client, if the client today asked me what is forgiveness, even though I could recite it, I'm gonna say, Hey, let's go to the etymology dictionary. And let's look up this thing to make sure that we that we understand the same thing. Because a lot of us, especially in relationships, we're talking and using English words, or whatever language we speak. But we're reading from different dictionaries, because we have different conceptualizations. And so you can't have what you don't understand. If you don't, if you can't see it, then you can't experience in order to if you're trying to intentionally if you are intentional about manifesting something in your life, such as love, you have to experience the experience in order to experience. First, thought. And then you align words, and then you align deeds, because the deed, which you do, what you are intentional about responding to, reflects your relationship with that thing. So intentionality reflects relationship. And there was a research report an academic report, that I included some studies in the past that the title of it was called intentionality is the matrix of transformation. And matrix means mother so it's intentionality that gives birth to transformation. What have you been intentional about responding to? Have you been responding to your fears? Have you been responding to your limiting beliefs? Have you been responding to your resentments have but when you do affirmations, do you say I am not going to experience a thing, because that's not you responding based off of love, that's you responding based off of fear. So many of us don't even know how to do an affirmation, because we're still staring at the familiar past and saying what we don't want if you don't want it, don't, don't, don't even speak on it, an affirmation, you affirm something, not that you're running away from something, but that you're choosing something new, something stronger, something more energetically aligned for you. This is like saying, don't think of an elephant. There's no way for you not to think of an elephant when I say don't think of an elephant. And so when you do your affirmations, and you're envisioning, make sure that you're actually affirming what it is you choose, instead of staring at what it is that you fear, and saying, I don't want that anymore. That's just like me saying, Well, I don't want to go get a drink of water. Why would I just randomly say that if I don't want to drink water, I'm just not gonna get a drink of water, we'll move on with life. So understand what we're doing even without words, we have to understand, we have to get that knowledge of how our mind operates, and how our thoughts we're not our thoughts. We're actually the awareness behind our thoughts. And so when we think I am unworthy, that is a thought. That is not a true essence of I am-ness or beingness. Because we're not actually the I Am, we are the I behind the I am. You know, what I mean by that? Is that just like I can see I'm unworthy the next moment or the next day, I can say I am worthy and experienced that as well. So am I inconsistent? No, I'm not inconsistent. So what is the consistent I behind it all that I am?
Harry Turner 43:08
I am the I behind the I am, I am the I that chooses the I am. So in your day to day operation, when you wake up in the morning, make sure you understand what I am you chose and make sure that I am that the size of those I Am's fit your feet, to some of us are hurting, because we're still holding on to these old I Am's, we're still wearing the shoes of the old I Am's from the past based off of previous experiences. And when we have these traumatic experiences, understand the connection between traumatic experiences and who you are now again, until the unconscious becomes conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. These in these traumatic experiences, we lost our autonomy, the trauma means womb. And so instead of a physical womb, of course, psychologically mean it's a psychological womb, hell, a child saying that I'm chubby, oh, my shirt is too tight to you know, it hurt to be a psychological wounds, you know, now some wounds we know like scratches, heal on their own but other ones need some operation. And that's what we're talking about with this trauma. These wounds are so deep, that they won't heal on their own. And in that space, of, of loss of autonomy, we made a conclusion about who we were in that space. And based off of that conclusion from that traumatic experience. We made up a strategy on how to behave moving forward. So that traumatic experience then comes the conclusion that the child makes and then comes the behaviors that follow that conclusion based off of that limiting beliefs.
Nicole Sublette 44:37
If anyone wants some hypnotherapeutic affirmations please DM me the word love L O V E the word love I have curated some beautiful affirmations to get you in a nice relaxed mode into a theta state so they're actually working with the subconscious mind and so please, please take advantage of this free offer.
Harry Turner 44:56
Alright, so to sum up everything this this first session, we We're talking about how to rely on re align ourselves with love so that we can attract that soulmate in the love that we desire. And you notice that we've spoken very minimal on the other, or the the soulmate perspective on attracting the romantic other, we spoke on it. But it didn't take the majority of the conversation, because it's not about them, it's about us. It's always about you. If you ever want it to be about you, I'm telling you right now, it is about you in this space. And so if we are seeking a healthier connection, a more energetically aligned connection where there's not chaos. Because again, when a cold friend and Warfarin come together, of course, there's going to be storms. So we want to make sure that people energetic aligned, if we're seeking as someone who's energetic alive, we got to understand what frequency we oscillating on, you got to figure that out first. And so we got to realign ourselves with love and constantly know that this is not a one day choice. Just like shaving my beard is not a one day choice, I could decide today that I want, I want to make sure that I'm always a clean shaven person. What if I shave today. And that's the last day I shave, I could want all I want to happen. So that means every single day that I decide I want to have a clean look, I have to stand up and look at myself in the mirror. And then assess where I am, and decide whether I need to do something about it. So know that this walk is not the not a walk for the faint of heart. That's why courage you want to hear me talk about courage a lot in these future sessions. Because many of us want a thing, but we do not develop or make the intentional choice to be courageous and going after that, then you can have what you want. You can have what you desire, rather not what you want. Because one, if you look at the definition of want, want implies lack and we lack nothing. So no, you cant have what you want, but you can have what you choose, and intentionally go after, but you got to know that you have to go after it and how to go after. Next session will be about developing the practice of being loving. So understanding that happiness is not a destination to be reached, but the way we travel, it's gonna be aligned thought, word and deed. And so developing a practice of being loving because everything that we do as a practice and whatever we practice we become there's no way around. Everything you doing is as a practice, you go to work, there's certain rules, punishment sticks, carrots that they have in place to make sure that you do the same practice of working every single day and then you master that skill is the same thing with your life but you don't have to put that much effort towards it if you put just 20% of the effort towards yourself that you put towards working for other people and doing for other people in trying to love and show that you are worthy to other people. If you just do 20% of that towards yourself, your entire life will change dramatically. So the next session will be on developing the practice and I want to emphasize practice of being loving Alright y'all look I am the nocturnal therapist, andthis is Nicole Sublette please check out her coaching platform BecomingGoddess.com please check me out at BecomeAnOutlier.com you'll see I have a Shadow Work course up but also I started life coaching in a form of mental alchemy I'm a mental Alchemist and so please tell tell your neighbor tell your friend tell your barber tell your mama tell your dad tell whoever you know let us know that let people know that they got some real practitioners real healers real true. Tell us real guides out here. appreciate y'all Mad Love and respect.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
