Harry Turner
What's going on my people what's going on my people?
April Davila
My guest April Davilla,
Harry Turner
I'm not going to spend much time. Really I'm not gonna spend any time introducing her because really you can, she can introduce herself, but this season, it's all about living in truth, living in truth, what is that? It is to live in alignment. Essentially, to live in alignment with who you are, who am I, who you are, is not the roles that you play. It's not the titles that you carry titles, these things roles, these are limitations on who we are. The closest thing that describes who you are, are your values, everything that think about it, anything that's meaningful to you, anything that's gives you purpose, it's always connected to a value. And a life of authenticity is a life of skillfully practicing living through your values. And, you know, my mission is to assist others and developing the audacity to live unapologetically authentic, I'm in the Audacity business, because I value authenticity, and I value authentic connections. This is season four. And the the theme for this season is what is truth? And so I'm gonna invite my guest on now, April Davila
April Davila
Yes, you got it. You
Harry Turner
got it. Yeah. David. Flow tabula. It's good that you are on here, Sr.
Unknown Speaker
I appreciate you having me. Oh, it's
Harry Turner
a pleasure. Please. I'm gonna step off stage just for a moment. And I want to give you the stage and can you please tell the people about yourself? I figured you could do a better job than I can.
April Davila
I absolutely be happy to. Yeah, so my name is April Davina, I am an author and a coach. I specifically am excited today to talk about how mindfulness has shifted. Not just my writing life, but my life as a whole. I think we're going to talk specifically about the writing. But when I first started writing, I wanted to write fiction. And I was writing, writing, writing, I was working a full time job at the time I had two little kids, I was getting up at 5am. To write, I would write until the first kiddo woke up. And then I would get everyone out the door and go to work all day. I was exhausted and having very little success with my writing in any kind of measurable sense. I enjoyed it. But my short stories were rejected, and I couldn't figure out the novel. And then sometime around 2016, everything kind of shifted, I figured out the novel got an agent. So the book short story I wrote was not only published but nominated for a Pushcart Prize. The novel won an award, I wrote the next novel, like in summer, like it was a much more complicated, exciting novel, in a fraction of the time, it took me to write that first one. And when I looked back, and I thought, we know what changed, what suddenly made, things start to click for me, I realized that 2016 was when I finally engaged in a more regular meditation practice. So I had been practicing off and on for a long time. But when I really got serious about mindfulness and meditation is when my writing fell into place. And at first I thought, I have a background in science. So of course, my brain went to questioning that that correlation is not causation. But when I started to really dig into it, I started to realize that there were some very concrete, specific ways that mindfulness had changed the way I came at my creative work. And this, okay, so sharing the moment that I realized mindfulness was not just a practice for my personal life, but a crucial element to the writing process. I don't know if it was a specific moment, but it was right in this period when I was looking back at at how things had changed. And, and there were some very specific things that I was doing differently than I was saying, like the beginning of my writing career, I don't know if you want to dig into those at all,
Harry Turner
I do want you to share in it, and if you can, I would love because what's gonna happen? Okay, let me say this, you don't have to explain everything right now. Because what's going to happen? I was gonna do this at the end. But I'm going to invite you back for I'm creating a club, you know, and I'm inviting all my guests back, and inviting people, that large community, I'm gonna invite them in to ask whatever questions they would like to ask based off of, you know, your particular field that you're serving in, you know, and so, they'll you'll probably reveal a lot more information and so we don't want to give the whole everything Yeah. community that's a part of that is that so community circle, when I put that invite out, you're gonna be one of the guests. So with that being said, please proceed with the first question. Yeah.
April Davila
It was a series of revelations because I when I was looking back at the writing and how it had shifted, I'd be like, oh, yeah, that's different now and oh, yeah, that's different now and ultimately came to six different things, because I'm also a writing coach. So I, you know, had to quantify it and figure out how I was going to teach the writers that I work with. Because it had been such a revolutionary change for me that I really I got serious about figuring out what those changes were. And then it was such a revelation, I actually went and got my certification as a mindfulness teacher, I studied under some wonderful mindfulness teachers, like Jack Kornfield, and Tara brach and got my certification from UC Berkeley to teach mindfulness and just integrated that with my writing coaching. But so it was, it was a series of moments. And I can remember some of them, I remember, one of them in the car was talking to my husband, and he, and he was like, mindfulness helped your writing, I don't really understand how, and he's a, he's a meditator, as was not that he was being skeptical on that front. But he was skeptical on the real estate, specifically that it helped your writing. And I was like I can, and yeah, and in that specific one, it was about focus. And how is how focus is such as humans in the world today, a focus can be a difficult thing to really drop into and how critical focus is for any kind of, of creative work, but for writing, in particular, since that's my niche in the world. But yes, do you remember that?
Yes, exactly. Yes,
Harry Turner
it is. And we've been trained to basically everything that we do as a practice, whatever we practice becomes a program. And so we've been programmed to be distracted, because the society the way it operates the pattern of this world, it splits us and pulls us in multiple directions, just for survival. And that's, that's at the very base of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You know, we're not even talking self actualization is bare survival, we're split. So to be intentional, it requires a true, intentional effort to become mindful. And I hope you don't hear my dog right now. But it requires a true intentional effort to become mindful or practice mindfulness. And earlier, I said this, and I'm stopped because I want to I got a lot of questions for you. But I was I was explaining this. And I said, you know, you sit long enough. And this the issue that I found with mindfulness is that you sit long enough, and then the silence becomes noisy. So that's where you typically want to give up at because the, you know, nobody likes discomfort. Nobody likes paying, you know, to any degree. But if you sit still, if you if you if you practice distress tolerance, if you choose to be patient, which the definition of patience is, the capacity to hold discomfort or pain for an extended period of time without becoming dismayed if you choose to be patient and love his patient. So love yourself enough to sit with that noisiness of that silence and then eventually pierces through that and it gets to stillness. And we did it stillness, that stillness begins to speak to you. That's that inspiration. Yes, yes. But I'm happy to hear that you will train at radical acceptance is a book that I tell all my clients to get in, we talk about and sessions in my psychotherapy session, so very familiar with Dr. Tara brach manifest, while learned about the mind mind was meditation rain from
April Davila
ya know, he
talked a lot about that in the training program. Yes.
Harry Turner
See, that's a lot of alignment. I do have one. One side question before I go to my next question, which is, what is the Pushcart Prize?
April Davila
Oh, it's. So for the fiction nerds out there. It's a Short Fiction Prize. And so there are all these literary journals in the world that publish short stories, and every year they get to nominate one story that they have published to be considered for the Pushcart Prize. Now, only one of those stories actually wins. But they're the hurdle of first you have to be published in the journal and then you have to be their favorite story for the whole year that they have published, and then you get nominated for the Pushcart Prize. So just being nominated as an honor. Okay,
Speaker 1
congratulations on that. You know, but I didn't want to pretend that I understood the significance of that, you know, so I definitely want to give you that, you know, thank you for that comment. I feel energetically. I know exactly when you said that comment. So thank you for that. All right. This is me system. All right. So your novel? Yeah. 142 ostriches. Yes. has received incredible acclaim. Kyle did mindfulness and fluence the writing and development of this story. Yes.
April Davila
So the I finished that book, the end of 2018. And like I said, it was around 2016 When things started to like, Oh, I know what I'm doing. Now. You know, the, the mindfulness practice helped me really hone in on it. And I would say the number one way that mindfulness helps me get that book to the point where it was done and ready into I'm proud of it and happy for it to go out into the world was the ties very much to what you were saying about the patience and the willingness to be uncomfortable, comfortable with discomfort, or being willing to sit with discomfort because what I had found was that the spots in the book where it wasn't done, where it didn't feel, right, were the spots that were hard emotionally. Because a story without conflict is not much of a story. And the story is very loosely based on my family, it deals with themes of addiction and inheritance and maternal lineage. And they were important parts that I had, I had written them, but they were very surface level. And it wasn't until through meditation, I had learned to get comfortable with discomfort, that I could slow down in those moments, and say, Okay, what does it really feel like when someone you love behaves like this to you, or, or if you're dealing with a loved one with addiction, and you know, that they love you, but that their actions are not representing that in a way that is meaningful to you. And things that we would rather as humans not go there, you know, exactly what you were saying. we shy away from pain, we shy away from discomfort because we don't want to. But to get those things on the page, I had to slow down, sit with them sit with them long enough to figure out the words that would convey them to someone else, and then get those words on the page. And, and that was one of the biggest things that was missing from my writing practice that that I learned through mindfulness and through sitting patiently. And getting to that point in a meditation when you're like, this isn't working and and staying with it. As the mindful chatter just keeps going and going, and then it adds, and then it flows and that that whole process was enormously influential, and finishing the book. That is amazing
Harry Turner
testimony. I'm so happy and happy to have you on right now. I love to write I used to write, I mean, not professionally, but when I was younger, this was before, this was pre pubescent. Like I was didn't even hit puberty yet. younger, I used to write letters to love. I love that.
April Davila
And not to a particular person, but to like love in
Harry Turner
general love, because I didn't like anybody. Like I mean, you know, I had friends, but it wasn't like the romantic that whole thing was not a thing yet. But I would write to love itself and what I believed love to be. And one day my older cousin, he found he saw me writing a letter and came up behind me and smashed it. And he read it. And he was like, This is really good.
April Davila
And I have one
Speaker 1
whatever, though, you know is Don't tell him about it. I wrote it, just you know. And so he took it. What he did what it was, he gave it to a girl that he liked her name in that place. Smart men, and they started dating. And he came back for another letter because apparently many people. And to this day, I wonder if any of those grown 18 year olds because my cousin was was dating 18 year olds, you know, yeah, to this day. I wonder if those 18 year olds know that it was actually a 12 year old right? And that at some time that they fell in love with
April Davila
would be there's a story in there for sure. You could write that novel. It's like a Cyrano de Bergerac story. You were writing love letters for your cousin. Yeah, that's good.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah. Anyway,
Speaker 1
I just this is a lot of alignment, a lot of lines. So my next question for you is how do you define mindfulness? And why do you think it plays such a pivotal role in the creative process, especially writing?
April Davila
It's a good question that what is my advice is easy enough, because I've thought a lot about that. But I draw largely from I'm drawing a blank on his name, but from UCLA. I'm totally drawing a blank on his name. I like his definition is mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment, without judgment. And I mean, that's, that's it, basically paying attention to what's happening right here at this present moment without judgment, as best as you're able. And I think he also brings in some kindness, so I'm butchering it, but basically, paying attention to the present moment without judgment, bringing in kindness. And I think that kindness is so important. And I think particularly when you're talking about mindfulness, because people can make assumptions around like, oh, it's woowoo. Or, as, I don't know, whatever people judgments I want to bring to that. And when you throw mindfulness or happiness or kindness on top of that, they're like, the blow off. But I feel like that, that kindness part of it, if you go to the Buddhist roots of mindfulness, and there's this idea of seeing things in the present moment, as they truly are without judgment, and kindness allows you to do that. So if you're meditating, and you have your mind wanders, and you have that thought of like, Oh, I'm such an idiot, I can't do anything right If you stop and ask yourself, is that true? Like you bring kindness into it for a moment? And say, Is it true that I'm an idiot because my mind wandered? Or is that just what mine is do and so when you stick with the kindness aspect of it, you're actually moving closer to the reality of the present moment. Versus stepping further into the delusion, which is the oh, I'm an idiot, because my mind wandered. And so I think that kindness is such an important part of mindfulness practice. And then how it helps with driving the
Harry Turner
delusion be that or could be coined as the trance of unworthiness. Yes, yes, exactly.
April Davila
And then that applies directly to the writing. Because when you're writing in you have noticing those thoughts with kindness in the present moment. So if I'm writing something, and I'll have the thought of, Oh, my God, I should go move the laundry. Or the dishes need to be that which is just my my brain saying, this is hard, and I don't want to do it, right, I'm gonna go do something else. If I can notice that thought and with kindness to say, I'll move the laundry along later, I'm gonna keep writing right now. Or oh, in the inner critic pipes up and the inner critic will say, Oh, that sentence was really bad. You should delete that right now, before anyone sees it, or Oh, really, you're gonna have him say that, like that internal voice, it's the exact same voice of telling you that you're an idiot, because your mind wandered. And if you can recognize that voice, and just say, okay, yeah, that's not great dialogue, it's a first draft, I will be back. And you just give a little internal bow to that voice and keep writing. And that that is when I only have like, five minutes to talk to a writer. That's the thing, I always want to tell them. Because if you can't get the words on the page, you're done. There's nothing to beat. If you can get that crappy first draft on the page, then you're writing then it's just about revision and edits. And oh, does that say exactly what you wanted to say, and you can fine tune and you can move things around. But if you can't get that first draft on the page, there's nothing There's nowhere to start. And that inner critic will shut you down every time. If you if you let it.
For years, I've learned from it is
Harry Turner
that's I was speaking earlier on the times of solitude, not isolation, but solitude, where you are being mindful, because added to that your mindfulness, it can be explained, simply. But it's, it's there's layers to this thing, too. But we like to, we like to keep it simple. But it's also a process of radical acceptance, right? as well. And that we are letting go of our resistance to the present moment, it's the undoing of our resistance to the present moment, which requires that level of acceptance, you know, I like to quote him, and suddenly, when I let go of who I am, that I become what might be, and so we gotta let go of the hole we thought we were, so we can move into the might be in an ad space is a lot of tension. So I know, I've highlighted what keeps me from writing the book. And it's the, it's ego, it's ego, because any attempt to try to perfect, any attempt to try to, you know, know, this, the critics and stuff, what I'm trying to do is protect me, in that space, I moved from Sky level to eye level, I moved from that inspiration, down to eye level. And in that space, the inner critic is, is is there and waiting for me. And so I'm trying to protect my ego in that space. And that becomes the block this war between the ego you know, and letting go, you know, being mindful enough, being aware enough first to see that it's there. And then choosing the process of leaning into your discomfort, you know, until that, that that level of acceptance starts to usher in peace, and then from Peace. There's a certain level of clarity that follows peace. And when that clarity hits you, then you know, you know how you need to move forward. Anyway, this is your interview, but I'm just saying there's so many thoughts. Yeah, this
April Davila
is er, it's absolutely speaking the same language is fantastic. Yeah. Because that clarity, that's the thing you're looking for in I mean, and that's why the distinction is a little tricky between, like, how has meditation helped my life versus my writing? Because it's, I mean, all of these things apply to my life is it's the writing that clarity that being able to put aside the ego like, what am I really upset about here? Or like what is it that's really not working? And can I put that aside and realize that maybe it doesn't matter as much as it feels like it matters in this exact moment? Whatever it is, yeah, made me a better better parent, better spouse, better friend, like, beyond just my writing. I talk about the writing the most but yes, these things. They don't affect just one part of her life, they affect everything. And
Harry Turner
so in one of those modes, since So you know, I'm a heart centered human therapist. And so I know that all all hypnosis is self hypnosis. So you begin to affirm your truth as well, you could choose in that space. So, you know, basically, knowing that you are more than a writer or a writer just gives you permission for you to express yourself. And it just so happens to be your gift. And so that the fact that is your gift is an affirmation that it's a mode for you to express your true self. So it's not about the variable self that's seeking to defend itself, it's really about allowing that true self to just flow through, you know, and so just just being aware and mindful of that, and allowing oneself to just see, you know, sit still enough to see with clarity that the mind you're caught up in the mind, as, as one of the meditators that I learned from says, the mind is full, mindful, the mind is full. But you're not the mind, your awareness attaching to certain thoughts in the mind. So you can desist, you know, and move in more alignment, you know, but anyway, let me ask my next question system, as I'm just gonna keep on getting inspired by your responses,
April Davila
just talk all day.
Harry Turner
Okay, this sort of kind of leads to I mean, you sort of got to answer this already. Can you share a specific instance where mindfulness help you overcome a significant challenge? I feel like we have other questions to ask so. So for writers who are new to mindfulness, can you suggest a simple mindfulness practice that they can start to incorporate into their daily writing routine?
April Davila
Absolutely well, and I'll just put in a little plug too, I run a writing community where we start each writing session with a meditation. So if people are interested in exploring that, you can check out my website, I have information on that group, but the actual medical, if you just want to explore it on your own, the practice that I usually engage with with my writers is called Insight meditation. And the the, it's a very simple practice, it's one of those things, it's the idea is very simple, but you can take a lifetime to perfect it, where you sit quietly, and close your eyes if you want to or not be comfortable. And then you're going to find something to rest your attention on. Usually, we go with the breath or the sounds in the room, if you'd like to light a candle, light a candle, and you focus on that thing. And then you notice when your mind wanders, because sooner or later it will. And the whole practice is simply to notice when the mind wanders. When you notice, that's the moment of mindfulness and then you have a choice, because that's what the moment of mindfulness gives you, you can follow that thought and keep going with it. Or you can come back to the anchor the breath or the candle, or whatever it is, and, and begin again. And of course, the invitation is to just keep coming back to the anchor to not run off with those thoughts. And what I have found is that 10 minutes is just about the right amount of time, if you do a 10 minute meditation, so if I have an hour to write, and I take the first 10 minutes to meditate, I am eating into my writing time. But I have found that that remaining 50 minutes, I will write more than I would in two hours if I don't do the meditation first. And so the what I always coach my writers to do is start with that insight meditation. And you can download timers there are I mean, there's so many apps now for these things. But insight meditation is what you would search for, if you're looking for a particular kind of meditation, you focus on an anchor, you notice when your mind wanders, the timer goes off at 10 minutes. And what I always tell my writers to think about is that you're not necessarily ending the meditation so much is you are shifting the anchor from whatever it was the breath or the sounds of the room to the writing. And then the writing becomes an anchor. So you start writing and then you have that thought comes up, whatever that thought is, you should move the laundry along or Oh, your characters boring, or whatever the thought is, and you just Okay, thank you for that thought you let the thought go come back to the anchor and keep writing. And the, the number one thing writers will notice is just how much more productive it is, it's just easier to get words on the page, when you can recognize all those thoughts is just thoughts. And let them go and just keep writing. I have writers who regularly like 1000 1000 words an hour, they're dropping on the page, just like I mean, it's this first draft, right? It's a little different if you're editing, because the practice is different. You're not just trying to get words out, you're actually trying to be more critical. And this is another aspect of mindfulness that we haven't really talked about. But there are also practices that have helped me be a better editor and do fewer drafts in the long run. So that's a slightly different practice. But in terms of just getting that writing done, starting with 10 minutes of insight meditation, and then when the bell rings, whether it's on your app or you just set a little kitchen timer or whatever, don't think of it as like oh I'm done with meditation. Now I write you think of it is like okay, now my writing is the anchor. And When thoughts come you just let them go. Don't keep writing. It's like magic. It really is.
Harry Turner
Like leaves on a strain. Yeah. Thoughts? Yeah,
April Davila
it's fun. The fun thing is when you're writing, and sometimes the thought that comes up is actually a really good idea. And then that's the thought you follow. Right? If you have like a really brilliant plot idea, come up, by all means follow that idea. Because now you're writing, you're not meditating. And when you clear your mental space like that you make room for sometimes ideas that like you never thought of come up. I was working with a vet once he was working on a memoir. And he said he was we did this meditation, he was writing and I remembered this thing. I just I'd forgotten all about it. And if it's so perfectly in the story, so things like that will come up, and then you don't have to ignore those ones. Those are thoughts he ran with. Hmm,
Speaker 1
yeah, yeah, it for me. It's dropping down. From the intellect, to intuitive awareness, and then filter that intuitive awareness back towards intellect. Yes, yeah. Okay.
Harry Turner
So, while you already talked about how to transform somebody, see, you're answering a lot of my answers I was gonna ask.
April Davila
Okay, how are you? Sorry about that? No, no, this
Harry Turner
is good. This is good. I'm gonna skip a few of these. This is good. So in terms of productivity, what are some mindfulness practices that writers can use to maintain a steady flow of creativity? And again, it sounds like you've already explained, meditating 10 minutes beforehand. Yeah. Did you want to say anything else to that?
April Davila
We could talk a little bit about what I was saying of like the editing part of it. Once you have your first draft done, then you have this wonderfully fun task of going back and rewriting because writing is rewriting. But one of the tricks or not tricks, one of the skills I developed through mindfulness that has helped me, I mentioned how the second book I wrote, it was far more complicated than 142 passages. I mean, 142 passages. I love it. It's a fun story. But it's not complicated. It's a week in the life of this young woman who inherits her grandmother's Astrid ranch. There's nothing. There's no, I mean, there's like two tiny little flashbacks, there's nothing all that challenging in the writing of it. My second book was this epic. It's with my publisher. Now, it's not out yet. I wish I could tell you the title. But I'm terrible with titles. So I don't have one yet. But it's this epic story that spans 350 years. And it has a little bit of magic. And it has two points of view. And it has like, it's just it was this like unwieldy beast of a story. And I wrote it in three years instead of eight. The first book took me eight years. And then one of the reasons that it took me so much less time was this mindfulness idea of what's a Buddhist idea that kind of translates into mindfulness. But the idea of right view and seeing things as they really are, it's that part of the mindfulness description of seeing things as they really are in the present moment. What I have learned to do when I'm reading a draft is to recognize the difference between what's in my head, what I'm imagining, and what's actually on the page. When I was writing the opening of this new book, I had this vision of my main character being born in a storm, I ended up changing it, but I was like, in my head, this wild and crazy storm with like, the trees blowing in the wind, and lightning and thunder, and like big fat raindrops bursting in the mud. And so I wrote that, I read the whole and I come back into the beginning, and I'm rereading it to set into edits. And I realized that what I had written was it was raining. Like that was the whole thing. And in my head, it was all these other things of the wind and the thunder and the lightning and the raindrops. But that was not on the page, I was laying that imagination over the words, and just kind of hoping that the reader would get it. And that's not how writing works. Like you have to get all the things that are in your head, all the things that you want your readers to see that you see me maybe not every detail, but recognizing that they were not the same, the thing that I had written was not representative of what I had envisioned. And so when I did when I started looking at rewrites in that way, I started doing a lot fewer rounds of edits, because it used to be, I would have to give it to a friend and they would read it and be like, well, you know, I don't really understand this, or I don't understand this and, and then I have to rewrite it. And then they give it to another friend and they give me notes and I'd have to rewrite it. And when I cut 90% of those myself, as I read through it, I did like one pass at the edit. I had the friend read it and she caught things that there were still a few things, but the whole process was so much more effective and efficient. And frankly, more fun. So, yeah, so that I guess that would be another way that mindfulness and the practice of it the actual implementation of mindfulness practice helping the writing process.
Harry Turner
Thank you. Thank you. And Heidi says thank you, I'm loving it. Is conversation very relevant to where I am at in many areas? Thank you. And thank you to all the outliers out there. I see you out there, Haley, thank you to all the outliers out there, please feel free to ask questions. This is a live stream for a reason. Let me just pause for a second and just let's just update people that, you know, to why I'm doing this. I usually don't do live streams from my recordings from my podcast, but this is season four of Is that so? And I thought, What a neat idea. Because I want to connect with my people and let them know, Hey, I'm still not here, I'm still alive, you know, I'm still doing it was meant to be beautiful to create a community around doing it live, you know, and so I'm going to offer up for my future recordings for season four, they're gonna get the raw, original footage. And if they want to be a part of the dialogue, they can make comments, and I'll put it up there and all of that it'd be published once it finally goes to edit and whatnot, you know, but I just wanted to be more connected this year. For me, it's about connection. You know, it really is about connection. And so I want to, I want to be connected with my people. Heidi says I have to go in a few minutes to go yo class. Much love and gratitude. Thank you, Heidi, for showing up. Thank you. Thank you. Haley says I'm here listening wrestling, Johnny Knoxville, Joan yesterday. Well, hopefully we can say some things, how to calm them down. Okay. So beyond writing, how has mindfulness contributed to your personal growth and development?
April Davila
It's also a very good question. 1000 subtle ways. But I would say that the number one way I think mindfulness has changed my my personal growth and development has been in my interpersonal relationships, and really getting to a point of understanding what I am willing to put up with, and what is worth putting in the effort for in this life. And I would say like one of the biggest shifts for me, as I've leaned into, my more mindful life is, how many of my friends were terrible friends? Just the worse, I was like, I look back, I'm like, Why were we even? And I have to Oh, my pardon it I don't think I was a very good friend. You have to be a good friend to have a good friend and and the friendships that have endured through my life in the last decade, are the ones where I've put in the effort. And I have felt that effort matched back to ask the questions like how do you feel about this, what would be helpful to you right now, and caring about what the and then showing up for people, and then recognizing that if someone can't show up for me, for whatever reason, I don't have to take a personal I don't have to try to force them to show up. For me, it's just this is not the time that our friendship is going to be a thing right now. And, and sometimes that involves some mourning, I think when you when you think of friendship is something and it's not letting go of that can be a little hard. But it makes space for new friendships to come in. And then the deepening of my relationship with my husband, the way that we have been. marriage can be challenging sometimes. And it is only made harder when you don't hear each other. When someone says something, and you bring that imaginary overlay to whatever you think they're saying, but it's not what's really on the page. Like to use the metaphor, you reacting to the thing you think they're saying versus stopping and being like, okay, let's talk about that. Like, let's, let's like, I want to hear what you're saying, I want you to hear what I'm saying, let's talk about it. Like for real, let's, let's get into it. And even if it hurts a little bit, like I'd rather I'd rather get hurt a little bit and have a tough conversation, then yell and scream and throw things and then like end up still mad at the end of the thing. So that was kind of a lot I just threw at you there.
Harry Turner
Well love is patient, which is the capacity to hold pain or discomfort for an extended period of time without becoming dismayed. Yeah, in marriages, we tend to be much more patient Of course, you know, it's worth a patient for it's worth being patient for and certain friendships also, when you know that there's alignment, whereas what is energetic alignment, you know, by the person is still, you know, still trying to get themselves acclimated to the frequency, you know, yeah, we we extend grace we get we extend grace. Because we know that it takes a little time to adjust to, you know, the light, it's like being in a dark for a minute and someone comes to the room and turns on the light. There's a there's a discomfort there because it's have to adjust to the new light. So it's like I once was blind, but now I see that now what do I do what it is that I see, you know? So yeah, but that into that intuition will definitely guide you on who to stay connected to because even Nokomis I must be there not to to agree on everything or, or anything like that. But for me, it's the language of love, that you speak the language of love, that even yoke is must be there when even the openness is not there. It is like two opposite fronts coming together like a warm and cold front coming together, there's bound to be storms, because everything is seeking homeostasis and balance. So it's best that when you choose your connections, that you ensure that both are walking in alignment, because how we're going to go in the same direction, if they go in different directions, are going to walk the same path when they go in different directions, you know? Yeah.
April Davila
And that in the in the willingness to say, like, Okay, you're going that way, I'm going this way. And I like with love go. Maybe our paths will cross again sometime and hoping for that. And whether it happens or not, it's trying to learn in a no hard feelings situation. But again, the morning peace comes into it too. Like sometimes there's genuine sadness, they're trying to let
Harry Turner
go of those things. Yes. And also, compassion, right? Yeah, compassion is so hot in that space. Because oftentimes, when, when connections end, there's this ego rationalization for it, where the ego feels compelled to prove, well, it didn't end because of me, again, trying to run from honestly the trance of unworthiness. Trying to learn from that it wasn't because I was unworthy is because and so when all of these rationalizations come through, and you know, who they gonna talk to, and let me defend myself and advance and let me post Facebook posts, you know, all of these things, but it's all all of that is ego rooted, you know, because they the ego, IT projects, you know, it's in a constant state of projection. And so people are being who they are based off of the inner conditions that are available to them at any given point in time, we wouldn't judge a bear for being a bear, even if we got mauled, like, it's a bear. You know, you may be a little bit edgy around the forest. And we survived that. But we understand that the bears are bear, what we don't understand is when people don't operate on the same frequency as us. And that's because we don't not, we don't acknowledge the fact that we're many attractive fields, and that we all have our own individual vibrations. And so you got to be aware about how you vibrate where you vibrate at. And also life doesn't give us what we want, but who we are. And so you've been a mini attractor field, know that you're bringing towards you the very things that represent who you are, or who you chosen to be at any given moment in time, because life doesn't make any judgments. Life just honors your request.
April Davila
Such a good insight. Absolutely. And I look back at one friendship in particular, and I really, I'm the one who changed. He's who he has always been. And he was the he's kind of a jerk. And when we met in college, I loved that he was a jerk because he spoke his mind. And he didn't put up with any BS from anybody. I was like, Yeah, I want to be his friend. But as I have changed and moved into a place of wanting a little more kindness in my life, him being a jerk is no longer a good fit for where I am at. But I can't be mad at him. He's he hasn't changed. He is who He has always been. It wouldn't be very fair for me to be like, Oh, you're a jerk. He's always that was what I liked about him when we first became friends. Yeah, and, yeah, that I have to recognize that I'm the one who is different. And that the things that matter to me now are different than than the things that mattered to me 10 years ago, this
Harry Turner
tends to happen when I talk to people I believe that some people say it can be quite therapeutic conversations with Haley said and if they do cross again, then it's meant to be and also what's for you will be and what's not, won't. And lastly, sometimes growth feels like loss. Yes. Because not only does love me I thought she was at a yoga class, by the way, but let me finish. You're like but not only does love nourish you, because love, love people don't see we've they've sanitized love, you know, but love needs no sanitation, like love is pure. And so love would nourish you but love also prunes and that pruning is necessary for growth and no, it doesn't feel good. But it's growing pains not growing pleasures for a reason. And we will have growing pleasures, we will have many aha moments once we choose to be intentional about doing it in a reflection. But again, when we are still in that space of ego projection, we are inviting in situations that will teach us that all we're doing is projecting the rejected parts of ourselves in some form or format that's that energy on to other people in trying to attack it by attacking them, you know, perception is really a projection. And it's a projection of what's going on internally. So that's why we work, you know, in my, in my faith, that's why it's walking by faith, not by sight, because you can't, and they don't teach just like this traditionally, you know, in my faith, but this is my understanding of my faith, you know, we walk by faith, not by sight, because truly you can't see what you see, you can't really trust because what you're seeing is based off of the Eagles judgments, which is distorted vision, distorted seeing the ego doesn't really truly see. But these eyes weren't necessary for survival. But that's why the eagle was created to begin with, so that it can maintain the Bible, it's about making sure we remain alive, but not living, there's a difference between living and merely existing. So in order to live, we got to move from the head down to the heart, we got to put that heart back in the captain's position, because the head been thinking that it's the captain when it's supposed to be the first thing that hit the head or to reason. I'm sorry.
April Davila
I was just gonna say I read a book recently about human physiology and how how that very point that the brain evolved last, simply to organize all the rest of this stuff, like it thinks it's in charge. But it really is just an organizational thing. Like, that's all it's there for. It's not the boss. Life
Harry Turner
is paradox. It thinks your head but more strategically an appropriate place, it will be placed with assets located because it's easy for us.
While we always assume things and then make a donkey out of you and me is crazy. But that's that's the thing. It goes all in alignment, you know, the board that you search, because you hear the sages, and he's saying, you know, all that I truly know is that I don't know. But it's quite the conundrum. I mean, look at I'm looking at your your, your background and all those books, surely, I say she knows something. Right?
April Davila
There mostly fiction.
Harry Turner
Fiction. But surely she knows something. So how could she not know if she knows? Like, how could I not know when I know all of these things? It's no these things are observations. And then in 110 1,000th of a second, there's an interpretation that's made off of the mind, observations, of thinking of things because the mind was designed to think it and judge the thing is good or bad, but not know, knowing is not a mental function. But thinking judging, perceiving in 2017, all of them, yeah, is in that was created, though, for basic survival. So when we try to apply the basic animal instincts of our ego, to the spiritual realm, we can't see anything because it's not built for that. And we transition, it stays here, the eagle dies with his body, when we transition. So when it comes down to the energetic world, we got to tune back down to that heart. Because that heart is always connected. That heart is connected to the soul, you know, connected to the Spirit. And so in that space that begins to guide you and is like I did it doesn't make sense. You know, it doesn't make sense that I would choose to go to this restaurant at this time, but for whatever reason today, and then you meet somebody and then you have a dialogue like what we have in a meal to see all the sink the synchronicity because that's the key, the synchronicity kicks up, you know, because it's, it's, it's happening from the nonlinear, you know, the linear mind cannot understand nonlinear reality. You know, God consciousness. Okay. I'm just excited. Let me stop.
Unknown Speaker
Okay, let
Harry Turner
me let me just go right here. I'm gonna go with my final question. Okay, no, my final two questions. One, could you recommend any resources or books, including your own, for our listeners who want to explore the connection between mindfulness and creative writing more deeply? Yes,
April Davila
I'm actually working on a book. I'm going to call it scribbling Buddha, all about mindfulness and, and writing. It's so I'm sorry, I don't have it ready yet to share it, but it is in the works. I suppose. If people wanted to know when that was ready, they can go to my website and sign up for my newsletter or just drop me an email I'm very easy to find in terms of resources for mindfulness. I was talking about this with someone just the other day, that it's always a little tricky to recommend books from mindfulness because it's a lot like swimming. You can read all about it, but you kind of got to just do it if you want to do it. I of course, Tara brach is a wonderful teacher, Jack Kornfield. And there's ever since COVID. There's so many so many meditation centers went online during COVID. So any I mean, Spirit Rock in Northern California is where Jack Kornfield is based, and they do all kinds of wonderful. Online, droppin meditations. There's my writing group. If people do want to try combining writing and mindfulness, the mindfulness apps that are out there's just so many resources now that it's hard to choose just one in terms of what to recommend.
Harry Turner
So my sister was saying that there's a buffet out there for you. You need but Sir and you will find
April Davila
and I think following like you were saying that intuitive synchronicity that if you bring your intention, you're gonna find the thing that speaks to you, you'll pick up the right book, if you go in versus me to I mean, there are books, but there's so many trust your gut. There's there's good stuff out there. Okay.
Okay.
Speaker 1
I believe that you've answered these already. But for the I'm gonna step out for a second before the conclusion of this. And I'm going to ask you, for our listeners who are eager to learn more about your work and perhaps even start their own journey of mindful writing. Where can they find you?
Unknown Speaker
Online? All right,
April Davila
I'm very easy to find. So April davila.com, is my website. I have a resource on my homepage, that it's called write more, suffer less how mindfulness can make you a happier, more productive writer, you can get that for free on my website. I'm at April da Vila, on pretty much all social platforms. Well, I mostly on Instagram and Twitter, those are the places to find me. And what else can I do? I think those are the those are the GES. And I'm very available. You know, there's a contact form I have my email is on my website, feel free to email me if you have questions. Or if there's something specific that you have a question about, drop me a line. I'm always happy to chat.
Harry Turner
And the final question for today is, can you share a bit about any upcoming projects, including a book or workshops that our audience should look out for that and that you are included in? Of course, yeah,
April Davila
I'm going to be running a free hour long webinar, march 26, march 28th and April 3, the signups I believe that they're not on my webpage. Now, they will be in the next day or so. But it's an hour long. The title of it is how to turn your half finished novel into a finished manuscript. So if you are working on a project, or if you're just curious to learn more about this, I'll be leading that. Of course, I have my online writing group. You can find information about that on my website. And I'm pretty much always offering something or doing teaching at some conference or something. So if people are curious, my website is the place to check out and browse around there.
Harry Turner
April davila.com, thank you correctly.
April Davila
Almost. Oh, I'll
say it again. tabula tabula tabula April. favela, Avila, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. It feels good. To go. Thank you. Okay, got it. Yeah. Yeah, sounds good. Okay, got it. All right, April novela. Is that so hey,
Harry Turner
I appreciate y'all Oh, we went past the bush court. I appreciate y'all showing up. Or another live stream, or of the season four of is that so without gays guest, our guest. And our guest with our guest. Thank you for watching is that so we had April, tabula. On the stage today, she blessed the stage and I'm gonna put the links down. When this is published, I'm gonna put the links down at the bottom. So you'll be able to find her, please go check her out. And know that I will be sending out emails for the other live streams as well. Again, I want you to be a part of the conversation so that y'all can ask questions, I don't want to live stream, I want you to be a part of that production, I want you all to be a part of what it is that I'm doing. Because this is a community here. This is a song, you know, and we have to do this together again, we have to be be on the same frequency here we have to be in alignment if to if we're if we're moving on the same path, we have to be in alignment. And so iron sharpens iron. And so we have to have each other's back and front, you know, we have to be there for each other, and continuing to motivate each other and keep each other in alignment because this life is constantly trying to put us asleep. Again, my mission is to assist others in developing the audacity to live unapologetically authentic, and the life of authenticity is a life of skillfully practicing living to your values. A goal detached from a value is meaningless. So make sure that you choose a goal that is attached to value. So that means you have to move into your plan of approach to for the day. Determine your plan of approach before you move into your plan of action. Your plan of approach is based off of you connecting your daily mission to your values based intention that way, motivation becomes autopilot, you hit that autopilot button because now you're in flow. And when you're in flow, you can be that vessel, as opposed to trying to be that vessel. You can just be that vessel. Again, thank you all for showing up. I appreciate y'all my sister, you have anything else you wanted to say before we head on out.
April Davila
Now this is great. Thank you for a lovely discussion. It's been a pleasure.
Harry Turner
Thank you, my sister. Many many blessings and thank y'all and I will see y'all next time.
